he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
