She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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