Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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