This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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