2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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