My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
