im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize