dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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