you lied. pity sex is amazing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
