I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
