I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
