i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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