I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mom said you looked used
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
