Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize