I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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