when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
