something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
