I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They took my balls.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
