Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
