why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
