I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
