Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
