Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
