This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
