would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
