Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
