you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
