Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize