Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
