she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize