Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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