New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How does it feel to date your dad?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
