Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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