Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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