I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All the doctor said was why
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
