spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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