I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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