Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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