Having a random hookup so left but love u
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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