My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My balls are so social today.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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