is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
