Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
