Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
