How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
