how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
