your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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