Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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