He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
