I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
