I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
