you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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