Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize