So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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