At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
