as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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