I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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