You made me cry and you don't even care
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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