He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
