I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
