I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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