Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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