she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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