If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
