You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
