A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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