did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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