And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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