Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
