I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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