the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize