Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
