I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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