I love black thongs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we're making bets on your personal life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
