Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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