I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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