The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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