these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
