I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize