YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
